Being Kind to Others

My last post dealt with speaking up with honesty, but today I'd like to focus on something somewhat related...kindness.

I've worked in and around the customer service field for over 10 years now. I've been on many sides. I've been the customer, the service worker, the provider, the vendor, and the manager. I've seen and heard many things, some not very nice.

Yet it always amazes me that when a customer service interaction goes south, one party is always to blame; the customer or the provider. Someone inevitably will say, "If so-and-so hadn't done this, then I wouldn't have done that." While it's true that there is a such thing as cause and effect, it's important to remember that our choices play a pivotal role in every interaction we have, and can inevitably make or break a situation.

Take fast food service for example. We all hate repeating back our orders multiple times, waiting at the drive through for too long, or (God forbid) realizing they got our order wrong after we've driven away. Typically, the type of employees in this job are teenagers or college students working part-time, or older individuals who want to make a little money on the side.

Here's a cute (funny) video about bad customer service:

While these examples are exaggerated, there is a common theme: lack of kindness. Whether it be the service worker or the dissatisfied customer, one of them is obviously lacking in the kindness area.

It goes a long way. It's the difference between raising your voice or blocking an argument before it starts. And unfortunately, it does not dictate that the person we are being kind to has to be kind to us.

I'd like to challenge you: Make a conscious choice to be kind to someone today (even better if they aren't reciprocating!) and share it with me, if you feel like it. :)

Blog Update

Hi guys!

Sorry for the delay in posting! I've had a lot going on, including school, kids, and work just to name a few ;)

I'll have a new blog post out tomorrow.Thanks for reading my stuffs.

Stay tuned!

Rachel

Strong woman? Don't read.

Have you ever heard someone say to you, “just push through it.” Or, “you've got to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” These overly-used, cliched phrases are intended to give us strength and hope, but more oftentimes than not, they end up having an opposite effect.

Case in point: I've spent most of my life taking care of myself. Not trusting others, because I truly believed that others would just disappoint me. I learned early on that I could mostly trust myself, so that’s who my best friend became. I can see that I've hurt a lot of people along the way, and that those people paid the price for my insecurities.

I was raised to do things on my own, because no one else could do it right. I learned to take responsibility for my part in other’s mistakes (if this sounds wrong to you, you’re right) and to only focus on what I could do to fix my situation and never rely on others to do it for me.

Unfortunately, there are vast majorities of people who see nothing wrong with these internal mantras, these life lessons. I am convinced though, that this is the easy way out. We've become a society, a country, a family unit, and individual people, who are comfortable with almost no accountability, unless it’s news-worthy. Instead of holding others accountable for their wrongs, or not accepting their poor choices or behavior, we simply turn away and resolve to not let them be a part of our lives, or say, “At least I’m not like that!” Parents make excuses for their children’s attitudes and choices. People say about their family members, “that’s just the way they are.” Our own justice system has become a system of judgment, rather than rehabilitation when it comes to drug addicts, sex criminals, and abusive parents.

Any person who has had struggles has been encouraged by someone they love or trust to stop complaining about their problems and do something about it. Does this type of support really lead someone down the path of healing? Or is this just a way for other people to deflect emotional responsibility so they can get back to thinking about their own problems and life? I don’t think that feeling sorry for someone helps either, but that’s not what I’m trying to say here.

I’m tired of being the strong one, the survivor, the one who keeps pushing on, despite my own pain or circumstances. If we are truly supposed to value ourselves, then I believe as people we deserve the right love and support. We should be able to reach out earnestly to someone for encouraging words or a little compassion. I’m not going to deny myself these things any longer just because I've always thought it didn't exist.

It does. And I've seen it.

And I’m starting to finally believe that I deserve it.

Shouldn't you too? 

Success and Failure on Mother's Day

As I think about turning 30 this year, I'm entering a period of quiet reflection. Looking back on my life; my childhood, teenage years, and young adult life so far, I can't help but appreciate what's happened to me along the way. Things I used to consider damaging I'm beginning to see in a new light. The sum total, and each individual experience, has made me who I am today. And I do not regret it.

People who are near and dear to me; they have their own personal damage, quirks, and insecurities that make them who they are, and regardless of any shortcomings, the impact they have made on my life is enormous.

Who I am now was shaped early on by three amazing women. My aunt, whom I love dearly, who knows what I need before I need it, and is always quick to give it to me; who is so perceptive about situations and has the ability to break things down to its most basic terms, and who also possesses the foresight to warn others off potentially bad choices or situations. From her I took for myself a measure of practicality, the skill of looking for problems and solutions.

Another aunt, close to my heart, who thinks and believes so closely to myself, that I feel we are almost always of the same mind. She brings balance to my life by coming up beside me and walking at my side, no matter what I'm going through, and helping me to see the tiny signs and small steps required to get where I want to be. From her I took my ability to perceive things unseen, to mediate and rationalize thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.

And my grandmother-turned-mom; the women who took me in and raised me as her own. Our simple and also complicated relationship has affected me in ways I can't fully comprehend. But she was, and is, always there; who showed me the true spirit of a survivor and the worth in never giving up. From her I took a wellspring of hope and strength.

I love who I am because of these women, the pillars of Faith, Hope, and Charity. Their failures are my failures, their successes are my successes, and mine theirs. And as I celebrate the passing of another decade, I want to celebrate them, because who I've become is also a part of them.

Stale

Listening to: The Letter Black, Hanging on by a thread

The past few years I have spent so much energy towards self enlightenment; I've listened to lectures on patience and peace, read books on critical thinking and reasoning. I truly love the principles I've learned and have enjoyed seeing the positive impact these principles have had on my life and relationships.
However, I feel I have become a bit stale.
I remember a time when I used to be filled with passion! And I want to see that return. I've spent some time working on myself and now I want to be whole again, emotions and all. Is there a balance there, or can you only be one or the other?
Filled with passion and raw emotion or happy and peaceful? I want to find out.

Move a Person's Soul?

What I wouldn't give for the ability to move a person’s soul…

Maybe it’s part of the reason why I've favored falling in love hard and fast. There’s nothing like a whirlwind romance to make you see the beauty all around. The object of your affection also has that sweet infatuation – one that hangs on every word you say, looks for the depth in your soul, and speaks without words. I think this is why I've spent so many years pursuing these loves; because it temporarily gives me a connection with my true dream. But my own inhibitions and learned behaviors keep me from it.

My father could work magic with just a pen and a napkin. He used to create inked masterpieces on tiny scraps of paper. My mother could make me feel as if I was floating; all with her voice and a guitar. In my own life I attempted to copy that – by immersing myself in drama, music, poetry. I could never duplicate the feeling. It’s much easier to dream about pursuing your dreams that walking the narrow road.

And it’s so easy to make excuses.

I figure I’m not dead yet though. And as long as I stay open to change something amazing and fantastic is bound to happen someday right?

Relationships

I've been thinking a lot lately about my past relationships and how messy they have been. It feels like I've come along way in the past few years, on matters of the heart. I've decided that despite my busy life and children I am ready to get back in the game. So far I've realized that "dating" as a single parent is not that easy, and is way different than the dating I did when I was younger and "unattached," so to speak. Many of my friends with children have encouraged me to become friends and build relationships of trust before even thinking about dating someone. I think this way will work best for me, as in the past I tend to fall in love hard and fast. I also tend to favor a few close, personal relationships rather than a large amount of surface ones. So I've come up with some issues I think are important to know before becoming seriously involved - friendship or otherwise - with someone.

Will they put others in harms way to save themselves?
I think this is important as it sheds light on their true character. The instinct to protect oneself is strong and can apply to all situations emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have a strong belief that someone who truly loves you will protect you from harm, even if the harm is coming from them. Also, the desire to protect others should be strong, but not at the expense of their own well being or the well being of persons they are responsible for.

Will they compromise their beliefs? At what point and for what reasons do they feel this is acceptable?
Someone who constantly compromises their beliefs can be difficult to trust. They may be able to rationalize wrong behavior, such as a betrayal of trust (extramarital affairs, gossip) or neglecting or harming children. In some circumstances I believe it is acceptable and necessary to compromise ones beliefs - especially of those beliefs cause harm or possible harm to others. However, a proven history of constantly compromising can show a lack of respect for themselves and others.

How well do they adapt to changes in their environment and changes within other people? Are they willing to change?
Change is a natural part of life. The speed of which someone adapts to change is also important. If that person "reacts" versus "adapts," it's usually not a good sign. Reacting to change with emotional outbursts or physical behavior shows a distinct lack of maturity. It's understandable that it may take time to process and adapt to changes, so considerable patience must be used. I think the most important aspect is that they are open to change. I try to use the "actions speak louder than words" rule when deciding on this. The only caveat would be constant change or change without direction. This creates chaos and strife and can be detrimental to all types of relationships.

Their level of respect for themselves, others, and material items.
I feel that respect is the most important characteristic of a trustworthy person. This can determine the quality of interaction that you and your friends and loved ones, will have with this person. Respect should be shown regardless of race, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, or individual circumstances. The old adage, "respect is not given, it's earned" doesn't always apply to our world today. So many people are thoughtless and haven't been raised with proper ideas of respect and consideration. Respect of material items isn't so important, but it can tell two things: how well that person will take care of what they have, and whether they have the ability to control their emotions. For example, someone who throws or breaks objects and blames it on how they're feeling shows they are not able to control their temper.

What are their core beliefs and how does their religion or faith (or lack thereof) tie in with those beliefs?
To me, this is pretty important, as I am deeply spiritual myself and definitely want to surround myself with people of equal depth. Their religion, faith, or beliefs don't need to be the same, but it's important that who they are is based off some sort of belief system...and that they aren't just "floating through life" with no purpose or direction. Whether they do what they say they will do, or if their actions match up to their supposed beliefs.