I've been thinking a lot lately about my past relationships and how messy they have been. It feels like I've come along way in the past few years, on matters of the heart. I've decided that despite my busy life and children I am ready to get back in the game. So far I've realized that "dating" as a single parent is not that easy, and is way different than the dating I did when I was younger and "unattached," so to speak. Many of my friends with children have encouraged me to become friends and build relationships of trust before even thinking about dating someone. I think this way will work best for me, as in the past I tend to fall in love hard and fast. I also tend to favor a few close, personal relationships rather than a large amount of surface ones. So I've come up with some issues I think are important to know before becoming seriously involved - friendship or otherwise - with someone.
Will they put others in harms way to save themselves?
I think this is important as it sheds light on their true character. The instinct to protect oneself is strong and can apply to all situations emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have a strong belief that someone who truly loves you will protect you from harm, even if the harm is coming from them. Also, the desire to protect others should be strong, but not at the expense of their own well being or the well being of persons they are responsible for.
Will they compromise their beliefs? At what point and for what reasons do they feel this is acceptable?
Someone who constantly compromises their beliefs can be difficult to trust. They may be able to rationalize wrong behavior, such as a betrayal of trust (extramarital affairs, gossip) or neglecting or harming children. In some circumstances I believe it is acceptable and necessary to compromise ones beliefs - especially of those beliefs cause harm or possible harm to others. However, a proven history of constantly compromising can show a lack of respect for themselves and others.
How well do they adapt to changes in their environment and changes within other people? Are they willing to change?
Change is a natural part of life. The speed of which someone adapts to change is also important. If that person "reacts" versus "adapts," it's usually not a good sign. Reacting to change with emotional outbursts or physical behavior shows a distinct lack of maturity. It's understandable that it may take time to process and adapt to changes, so considerable patience must be used. I think the most important aspect is that they are open to change. I try to use the "actions speak louder than words" rule when deciding on this. The only caveat would be constant change or change without direction. This creates chaos and strife and can be detrimental to all types of relationships.
Their level of respect for themselves, others, and material items.
I feel that respect is the most important characteristic of a trustworthy person. This can determine the quality of interaction that you and your friends and loved ones, will have with this person. Respect should be shown regardless of race, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, or individual circumstances. The old adage, "respect is not given, it's earned" doesn't always apply to our world today. So many people are thoughtless and haven't been raised with proper ideas of respect and consideration. Respect of material items isn't so important, but it can tell two things: how well that person will take care of what they have, and whether they have the ability to control their emotions. For example, someone who throws or breaks objects and blames it on how they're feeling shows they are not able to control their temper.
What are their core beliefs and how does their religion or faith (or lack thereof) tie in with those beliefs?
To me, this is pretty important, as I am deeply spiritual myself and definitely want to surround myself with people of equal depth. Their religion, faith, or beliefs don't need to be the same, but it's important that who they are is based off some sort of belief system...and that they aren't just "floating through life" with no purpose or direction. Whether they do what they say they will do, or if their actions match up to their supposed beliefs.
