Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! I feel somewhat guilty, but not enough to lose sleep over. The fact is, I've been dealing with some heavy things lately that diverted my focus. Not saying it was for the best, just that's what happened. C'est la vie :)
I was spending less time writing, I quit going on my morning walks, and generally became a hermit for a time. And while I was *not* working on my blog, I beat myself up mentally, thinking I was procrastinating or being lazy or falling into depression.
And while I can't rule out that some of those things might have occurred, I can say for certain that it wasn't the entirety of my day.
I've spent more time focusing on me. I made some tough choices about the time I was spending on the things that mattered most. I cut some things out, but also put some things back in. Like caring for my flowers and my yard. Like redecorating my house and finally putting things away (instead of making piles). Reading a book I wanted to read, going to a movie I really wanted to see, and stopping at the store in the middle of the day for my favorite chocolate that I ended up eating slowly by myself. I took naps!
Every day was like a race to become slower, to do less. And as I practiced more, something strange happened.
I noticed how bright the sunlight was and how it made my plants stand up and reach out for its warmth. I purposely stopped to listen to the morning birds chirping their tune as the neighborhood started to wake up, and for the first time, hearing how cheerful and carefree their songs were.
I touched the dirt with my bare hands and felt how it could be both cool and warm at the same time;
I remembered a birthday I always forgot, made time to call my grandmother for actual advice, and was courteous in a way I never had been before.
I recalled what I had been doing the exact day a year before, and smiled, in spite of it;
And the time my children spent in front of me changed as well. I took it all in, not just how they came in and flung their backpacks on the couch or called excited about something that happened at school; but I paid attention to their voice, their face, the way they held their shoulders back (or didn't).
See, I have lived my life in fast forward. Always running, never stopping, taking care of someone or something. And when there wasn't anything in front of me, I conjured something up to focus on.
Maybe you have felt this way too, but there are points in our lives where we just have to stop and stand still for a moment. Because I've found that when we do - we find something we might not have been looking for, something that makes it all the more worthwhile.
