Strong woman? Don't read.

Have you ever heard someone say to you, “just push through it.” Or, “you've got to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” These overly-used, cliched phrases are intended to give us strength and hope, but more oftentimes than not, they end up having an opposite effect.

Case in point: I've spent most of my life taking care of myself. Not trusting others, because I truly believed that others would just disappoint me. I learned early on that I could mostly trust myself, so that’s who my best friend became. I can see that I've hurt a lot of people along the way, and that those people paid the price for my insecurities.

I was raised to do things on my own, because no one else could do it right. I learned to take responsibility for my part in other’s mistakes (if this sounds wrong to you, you’re right) and to only focus on what I could do to fix my situation and never rely on others to do it for me.

Unfortunately, there are vast majorities of people who see nothing wrong with these internal mantras, these life lessons. I am convinced though, that this is the easy way out. We've become a society, a country, a family unit, and individual people, who are comfortable with almost no accountability, unless it’s news-worthy. Instead of holding others accountable for their wrongs, or not accepting their poor choices or behavior, we simply turn away and resolve to not let them be a part of our lives, or say, “At least I’m not like that!” Parents make excuses for their children’s attitudes and choices. People say about their family members, “that’s just the way they are.” Our own justice system has become a system of judgment, rather than rehabilitation when it comes to drug addicts, sex criminals, and abusive parents.

Any person who has had struggles has been encouraged by someone they love or trust to stop complaining about their problems and do something about it. Does this type of support really lead someone down the path of healing? Or is this just a way for other people to deflect emotional responsibility so they can get back to thinking about their own problems and life? I don’t think that feeling sorry for someone helps either, but that’s not what I’m trying to say here.

I’m tired of being the strong one, the survivor, the one who keeps pushing on, despite my own pain or circumstances. If we are truly supposed to value ourselves, then I believe as people we deserve the right love and support. We should be able to reach out earnestly to someone for encouraging words or a little compassion. I’m not going to deny myself these things any longer just because I've always thought it didn't exist.

It does. And I've seen it.

And I’m starting to finally believe that I deserve it.

Shouldn't you too?